- Marvelling at the Singapore advertising standards. Check out the current prizes on offer:
UOB - Win A Trip To Anywhere*.
'What? Even to the Moon?!' DBS - Win a condominium.
A whole condominium? Wow, that's like having 150 bedrooms. Cool!
Naturally, I immediately checked the Terms and Conditions and was sad to note that the 'Trip To Anywhere' would have to be purchased with the real prize of S$6000 of UOB Travel Vouchers (I do not believe they are currently dealing in Moon tourism) and the definition of 'condominium' is actually a 980 square feet, 2-bedroom unit (#03-13) at Oasis@Elias, which is expected to receive its Temporary Occupation Period ('T.O.P.') in December 2012. Misleading advertising at its best.
Next up is the run up to another hot and sweaty Christmas in the tropics. Looking forward to hearing hits such as 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas' blasting through the airwaves in all the shopping malls. Brilliant.
The order of the day was a weekend of chilling with a little splash of culture. Kanchanburi, just two-and-a-half hours from Bangkok fitted the bill. We skipped over to Bangkok to stay at the Siamese Views Lodge for the night ('boutique' = 'basic', rather than 'trendy' in this instance) and enjoyed an evening stroll down the Khao San Road - land of henna tattoos, deep fried beetles, fake ID cards and I ♥ Boyfriend t-shirts.
The next morning, we were picked up early by our driver arranged through Xanadu 2008, where we were to stay for the following three days. Run by Dennis from the UK and his Thai wife, Nee, it was a homely place perfect for peaceful contemplation outside of the backpacker vibe in central Kanchanaburi.
Famous for being the home of The Bridge over the River Kwai (formerly the Mae Klong River before it was re-named), the majority of Kanchanaburi's delights lie away from the main tourist drag.
All are welcome
Sadly, the centre is over-populated with seedy bars offering Western food by day and sex tourism by night. Many also stop off to get their dreadlocks repaired or grab another henna tattoo before their onward trip to discover 'The Beach'. A little bit of culture before staying up for 48 hours dancing to psy-trance never hurt anybody, right?
We hired a motorbike (despite being licence-free) and journeyed off to the Erawan Waterfalls. A straight road takes you right to the doorstep of seven levels of refreshing azure plunge pools. Our young legs took us up to level five where our feet were tickled by the gentle caresses and occasional nips from the resident fish.
The only spoilers were the two over-sized Russians who 'spoke' only in sign language and who rudely motioned for me to move from where I was sitting so that they could take photos of each other posing in their skintight Speedos.
Before scooting back to base, we detoured to the Phra That Caves - a monstrous cavern hidden at the top of approximately one million steps (okay, the equivalent of doing twenty-five minutes on a poorly calibrated step machine). As we were the only visitors at the time (and it was the last week of low season), the usual cave lighting was off meaning that we had a one on one guide lit by a kerosene lamp. The experience allowed me to re-live my childhood fear of the dark and it was all topped off when the lamp was shone on a white snake coiled around the fence about 30cm from my left foot. That's when I momentarily lost my sense of humour and was glad to squeeze back through the gap in the rocks known as the exit.
We are never disappointed with Thailand. Great food, beautifully kind people and a huge variety of breathtaking and thought-provoking attractions. There's something for everyone - even dirty old men looking for a cheap date. Kanchanaburi, for us, was a superb place for some R&R whilst having enough to see and do that kept our brains from turning to mush.
- Recovering from our immense honeymoon in Japan. Started my new job on 28 September and am loving life as a Cultural Diplomat - Director of Creativity at The British Council. It's definitely one of those jobs they don't tell you about in school.
- Entertaining family and friends. My parents, sister and family, cousin and our good friend, Hannah, descended on Singapore in quick succession which precipitated an extension of the over-eating and excessive drinking sessions that we enjoyed on our honeymoon. Putting the diet off until 2011, methinks. Particular highlights were a sumptuous Peranakan meal at Candlenut Kitchen (their ayam buah keluak is a die die must try) and Noble House for exquisite dim sum.
- Meeting Great Aunties and Uncles that I never knew existed. The setting for my cousin's Chinese wedding was the beautiful Four Seasons - just the right amount of gaudy chic. This being my second Chinese wedding, I was keen to compare notes with the previous wedding I had attended. As before, there was a seven tier plastic cake (although this one didn't even have a cutting slot!) and there was the ceremonious cascade of a bottle of champagne but none was served to the seated guests.
Yam Seng!
New notes on the list: (i) It is acceptable to turn up in jeans and a t-shirt (I pondered that this guest must usually wear a singlet and yellow wellies, so this was considered 'posh'); (ii) It is not frowned upon to be late. There is little time for idle chitter chatter. Get in, chown down, leave. Nice. Thankfully, my cousin added a little Western touch and extended the bar so we had time to drink more than we should and embarrass ourselves. Even better.
I shook hands with distant relatives and close ones, perfected my stick on smile and enjoyed the feeling of being paraded around by my mum as her special daughter who lives in Singapore. I can only imagine that many of them were wondering how much I earn and whether I take chilli but didn't have the English vocabulary to ask. My Grandad was his usual 'silent but deadly' character and had scrubbed up rather well for the occasion - a rare sighting.
- Cringeing at the new MRT jingle that makes you want to strangle the nearest auntie.
Ludicrous and funny.
- Marvelling at the biggest loser in Singapore. Can you imagine what it feels like to lose one hundred million Singapore dollars? N.B.F. = Sheldon G. Adelson. Fact. Another fact is that I won $62 at my recent visit to throw money in the Marina Bay Sands coffers. Apparently, I can be rather lucky on blackjack but suck at roulette. The Chinese band's covers of popular tunes such as Lady Gaga's Poker Face and the free flowing whisky oiled the evening along nicely.
Next up, is a trip to Kanchanaburi, Thailand and getting back into the swing of Singapore in the run up to the Christmas season... Cue a Very Sweaty Santa Claus.
Culture Vultures - The Singapore Night Festival promised eclectic performers and paraphernalia in the night sky, lightshows and a host of other nocturnal attractions. Sadly, instead of arriving to see the National Museum's expansive historic building lit up, it was only lit by the reflections of the lights from the two music shows in the foreground - one Western, one Asian. Being in the middle of the two stages was a cacophony of plinks and plonks in all the wrong places.
The one item of interest was the graffiti wall, but even that had 'control' stamped all over it. We ended up parking ourselves at the courtyard bar and not seeing any other acts. Fail.
Popping up - If you stand at Tanjong Beach Club and look out to sea, there's a small peninsula that juts out into the water. We were lucky to be invited to our first pop-up brunch there: bring amazing food, fine wines, a collapsible table and a makeshift cover. Add water (yes, it rained a little) and friends. A wonderful afternoon in a secluded spot with some of our favourite people. Diamond.
Soldiering on - Set in one of the most ridiculously kitted out bachelor pads in Singapore (it even has a private rooftop pool), the kids at Nomu hosted another awesome event. The only thing lacking at Apocalypse Nomu was the smell of napalm; soldiers, nurses and a whole lot of guns squeezed onto the roof until the fun police showed up to tear the party down. Someday this war's gonna end...
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning"
Being a Foodographer - I attended a food photography course hosted by acclaimed local food blogger, Dr. Leslie Tay at Tetsu Restaurant. Naturally, I was the only ang moh in the room, which made me feel mildly self-conscious when the hokkien 'in-jokes' were rolled out. Nevertheless, it was a fun afternoon eyeballing other people's cameras, some of which had lenses larger than my head.
Digging Deep at Stereolounge - After just four gigs at other night spots around Singapore, DJs Julian Moore, Dan Paris and Dash graced the stage at Stereolounge and out-lasted the main dancefloor. Pulling in the crowd that loves solid electronic sounds, the lounge had a vibrant buzz despite it being the height of the summer and the time of many Europats' holidays 'en famille'.
Everybody wants to be a DJ...
Turning Peranakan - Hidden in the row of shophouses near Tanjong Pagar Market is the home of Peranakan food, Blue Ginger. Crispy kueh pie tie, succulent otak otak, meltingly soft beef rendang, fragrant ayam buah keluak and chillified sambal terong goreng all washed down with a few glasses of the house white. A sumptuous feast, easy on the wallet and perfect for an intimate meal catching up with old friends.
Getting high - The birthday extravaganza for my husband was spectacularly held at the home of the world's longest rooftop pool, the stunning Marina Bay Sands. We checked in for two nights and enjoyed 45th floor views of the Gardens by the Bay currently under construction and the port littered with container ships of all shapes and sizes. Service was impeccable and losing S$300 in twenty minutes at the casino was a uniquely sobering experience. We knew it was time to leave when the guy next to us pulled out two S$1000 notes to exchange for chips. High rollers we ain't.
Has to be seen to be believed.
Expanding our dumpling repertoire - The Cathay was the selected venue for a chow down and catch up with an old friend from university days. Slightly cheaper than our usual haunt, Si Chuan Dou Ha, but equally solid in the dumpling stakes, this is somewhere we would return. I even liked the chicken feet - just the right amount of gristle and soya sauce flavoured skin.
Next up, is our long-awaited HONEYMOON IN JAPAN! All will be quiet on the Eastern front for a little while but stayed tuned for news of how two ang mohs coped in the hot waters and techno fields of Japan. Sayonara for now!
"Summer Time" in Singapore = Party Central... This month, we have mostly been slammin' it hard...
Party at The Plantation - Set in the midst of the Portsdown jungle is a very special place: hidden from the masses, nature all around... Man, our friend knows how to throw a good party. Catered by Fine Palate, the order of the day is "drink the bar... dry". We say, "CAN!"
Celebrating Father's Day - Out for dinner with my Grandad and all of my aunts and uncles... The spot we chose was in deepest darkest Serangoon Gardens. The queue was immense. We had even booked a table but had to stand outside to wait for those lucky people inside to finish wiping the corners of their mouths. A feast ensued ~ I think my family thought I looked like a refugee that hadn't eaten in a month. True gluttony at its finest hour. That's what happens when you're not picking up the tab.
The launch of Marina Bay Sands - Slick was the order of the day, once we had conquered the enormous line of dressed to the nines crowd. The champagne flowed, the canapés rocked and the gala dinner was impressive given that the thronging masses totalled three thousand. The Jersey Boys taught us how to "walk like a man" and Diana Ross showed us how to groove like a sixty-six year old should. Truly immense. We rounded off the evening by collaring the CEO who told us that the event had cost no less than USD10 million. After I had put my eyeballs back into their rightful sockets, I marvelled at the incredulous expense but in my suitably inebriated mind decided that it was a fair amount to spend given the total cost of the resort topped USD5 billion. That's the way we roll. I look forward to helping dear Sheldon maintain his three Boeing aircraft by chucking a few crisp notes on red 13.
Another birthday, another boat party - And why not? We live on an island surrounded by rancid, oil-infested waters. What better than to get on a boat and assume the position of "drink to forget"? This time, we opted for the ultimate in P*I*M*P luxury and spent thirteen hours on a trimaran with no less than six flatscreen TVs in the lower deck. A day in the life of a celebrity. For real. Do it, before you die.
Interim documentaries - When not abusing our livers, we like nothing better than to lock the door and watch Storyville documentaries. Recommended this month is Kim Jong Il's Comedy Club - a story about three Danish 'dudes' (for want of a better phrase - watch it, you'll agree) who travel to North Korea on the pretense that they are a small Danish theatre troupe on a cultural exchange. It's difficult to find something so touching yet hilarious, political yet sentimental in the world wide web of moving image.
Third time lucky, Rawa - Once, twice, three times a lady! It's just too alluring...
Next up is an attempt to detox with marginally less partying until hubby's amazing surprise birthday... It's going to be a big one... Stay tuned!
This time, we had vowed not to be up until 6 am BOTH nights. Our plan to stave off the deadly poison on Friday was hampered by arriving at Mersing only to discover that the tides were too low for the speedboat to take us to paradise. All fifteen of us ended up being transported to a local hotel room suite where the "this will end in tears" game of Ring of Fire ensued, interrupted only by a few bouts of Charades and the snores of those for whom the bed had been too enticing. Five and a half hours later, we finally arrived on Pulau Rawa for the intense carnage to continue on Saturday when another fifteen reprobates displaced from Singapore (aka friends) arrived. Cue vigourous amounts of chillaxation, chats about life, the universe and everything, lip-smackingly delicious grub and a whole lotta P*A*R*T*Y.
1. Accept that it's a paradoxical Shopper's Paradise. For a country that has over two million malls, one might say that Singaporeans must be obsessed with retail: both online and offline. Wrong. Here, it's all about the 'look look, see see' past time of window shopping and saving on the electricity bill by cooling off in the air-conditioned surroundings of a mall rather than putting your own unit on at home. Give it time - you will catch yourself doing this at some point.
There's no Amazon, there are few pickings on eBay's empty shelves (there's no chance to bargain, you see) and even if you can buy stuff over the phone (rare), you will no doubt find the conversation 'challenging' unless you speak good Singlish (remember: it's 'oreddy' not 'already').
Fear not, if the thronging crowds of Orchard Road scare you, a plethora of items to quench your materialistic thirst awaits you in the forgotten malls of Singapore (if you know which one you need). Added to those, forums such as Singapore Expats, Adpost and Gumtree are the place to find locals of all ages selling a huge variety of secondhand items. Note: You will have to arrange a pick up yourself in person and be prepared to negotiate on the price.
2. Get used to going 'marketing'.
No, I'm not talking about business development. Here, they distinguish food shopping from other types of purchasing adventures and call it 'marketing'. So, don your best t-shirt and shorts combo, slide into your flip-flops and head to your nearest 'wet market'. Often the best place for sourcing fresh fish and quality vegetables at prices that are kind on the wallet. Warning 1: The floors can get quite slippery. Warning 2: Chinatown market even sells turtles and frogs... for consumption.
The three main contenders in the supermarket space are (in order of cost): Fair Price (it does what it says on the tin, but if you're whipping up a Western feast, you may find it challenging to grab everything on your shopping list); Carrefour (excellent for wine and cheese); and Cold Storage (you can buy everything here but certain European items are shockingly expensive). Both Fair Price and Cold Storage offer online shopping, which are solid services except that the websites are not as user-friendly as they could be.
Finally, just deal with it: alcohol is unbelievably expensive, especially when compared to the rock-bottom duty free prices charged at Changi airport. Just make sure you journey further afield than Malaysia, lest you be stopped in your tracks at the checkout on your return to Sin City. It's embarrassing, you'll look a fool and don't bother trying to pretend you're from another flight - they might wrestle you to the ground and cart you off for terrorist questioning.
3. Take up eating as a past time. Famous for their love of all things edible, Singaporeans think, talk and dream about food. During lunchtimes with your colleagues, conversations on planned or past consumption are the norm. There are huge numbers of food bloggers who you will see with their cameras out getting the best angles before diving in, bib first. Some places, like Tippling Club, even expressly forbid cameras at the dinner table lest the constant flashing annoy fellow diners.
The Singapore food bible, Makansutra actually has an index listed by dish and contributors to recommendation site, Hungry Go Where often list out their experience course by course, mouthful by mouthful. Be warned: Hungry Go Where can be infuriatingly confusing with some diners giving a restaurant the highest accolades and others labelling it as the worst dining experience in the history of mankind. I recently found this out and was involved in an online battle of the tastebuds, between myself, Massive Dynamic and low ernest. Fun!
Quick tips for eating out at (i) Hawker centres:
Carry tissues at all times to chope your seats.
Grade B is dirtier but it tastes better.
Learn to sweat while you eat (aforementioned tissues will help).
(ii) Low to mid-range restaurants:
Despite what it says on the menu, even if you order starters, all dishes will likely come at the same time.
Waiters often can't explain what is on the menu, so be patient.
If wine is on the menu, don't expect it to be anything to write home about unless you're spending more than S$70.
If you can't face leaving the house and are hungry as sin, look no further than Hungry Go Where's Delivery Service. With a huge variety of offerings, you will find something you desire. The only odd thing is that you proceed with a 'normal' online order but at the last moment, you have to call a number. Through some astonishing technical wizardry, the person at the call centre will know everything about you and you only need confirm your order, lessening the time you have to spend practicing your Singlish. Die die, must try.
Finally, be warned that Durian-flavoured anything is available. Try it if you dare.
Durianmisu anyone? Anyone?
4. Marvel at the transport options but laugh at the way they are used.
Singapore Taxi Drivers to Learn French.
Taxi: Enjoy bouncing around the back of old cabs, the smell of rotting pandan leaves (to ward away cockroaches) and odd conversations ("Dogs. Do you like dogs? I like dogs."). Whilst you may be shocked at some drivers' poor navigation skills ("I dunno, you teach me, ah?") a read of the famous Taxi Drivers' Blog (you can also now buy the book) will, no doubt, leave you feeling less angry and more compassion for those in this difficult line of work.
MRT: Despite this politeness campaign being played everyday on the MRT and large pictures of Phua Chu Kang everywhere, aunties are oblivious and will routinely barge their way to the front, when embarking and disembarking, of people waiting to board the MRT and then getting on before anyone else has had a chance to leave the train. Sadly, auntie assault is a punishable offence.
Bus: Good luck deciphering the bus network. You cannot just walk to a bus stop and figure out which bus you need to take you where you're going: the stops just list the buses stopping there and where they are going. So, unless you are naturally lucky in life, please consult gothere before you embark on a bus journey, lest you end up going from Tiong Bahru to Orchard Road via Ang Mo Kio.
Elevator: For some unknown reason, it appears to be a commonly held belief amongst Singaporeans that jabbing one's finger on the elevator button will make the deck appear faster. Being half-Singaporean, I must confess that I have found myself doing this, on the off-chance it really works. Try it for yourself and feel closer to this unique culture.
Walking: Walk at a snail's pace. That's all you need to do to walk like a local.
Driving: Pick a lane, any lane. Swerving and braking hard are all acceptable. Just don't dare to jump any red lights and for goodness sake, don't do an OJ Simpson if you are summoned by sirens.
5. Come to terms with island fever.
Apparently, the 'victim' is so traumatised that she cannot get out of bed...
Accept that you won't find much of interest in the Straits Times, and that some of your favourite websites may be blocked. Instead, charter a yacht, hire a private island, or escape to one of the many destinations you can get to for a weekend without taking any time off work (Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, and Indonesia) and enjoy the bliss of arriving back to Singapore through the world's best airport. Now that it houses the world's tallest slide (in an airport), there's all the more reason to just hang out at the airport even if you haven't got a plane to catch. For real: it's on my 'to do' list.
All in all, you will hear the following phrase on repeat: "Life in Singapore is just so easy." It's true: the weather is almost permanently superb (save for the occasional monsoon rains), good food is ubiquitous, and there's hardly any crime. One the flip side, it lacks avant-garde creativity and has been likened to a warm bath.
I'm lucky because I get to see both sides, being part local and part ang mo. It was very baffling indeed for my colleagues when I first arrived. How could they categorise this person speaking with a plummy English accent about how much they love to eat century eggs who could then flick into finely tuned Singaporean patter on the subject of contract law, hor?
If you're even faintly interested in exploring Southeast Asia and having the cash to do so, come to live and work in Singapore to experience it for yourself. It's the closest you can get to taking a gap year and seeing the world without actually having to give up your job.
